(I know. That is definatly what she said... I was there... I wit
nessed it.)
When I first moved here, Axl and I were always driving back and forth to my Aunt's house. In one of these trips (normally consisting of twenty three minutes of Katy Perry singing Teenage Dream and skin-melting heat) Axl and I passed a minivan with the mini family stickers. Like this:
These stickers are supposed to depict a happy family (and apparently pets) being happy and annoyingly perfect right? After they eat breakfast every sunday they go to church for three hours, come home play board games, watch a G rated movies (th
e last unicorn?), shit rainbows, and put the kids to bed at seven and then after the kids are fast asleep Pete and Tina up there would head to their seperate beds.
I only reccomend this as a perfect family because that's what fifties television made everyone think....
It's annoying in one sense because they're attempting to rub perfectness in your face, but on the other hand is it a bad thing to show off your happiness (no). I'm not going to hate the things because half the time I don't even notice them.
Anyways. The family on the minivan had no pets. Ther
e was a Mom, Dad, an older boy, a younger boy, and.......... The youngest member of the family was scratched. It looked like a girl. Of course, at this discovery I immediatly texted Kim and told her and pointed it out to Axl.
I think they both assumed the worst.
That poor youngest child died and the parents, in a vain attempt to forget, tried to scratch her off of their minivan.
I thought it was funny.
... Mostly because it was ironic.
The stickers are supposed to show off your abnormally happy family..... And the fact that one member was scratched off threw that all out the window. There was no way that this is a happy family.
They're all probably as lonley as this lady:
Anyways. There are a million things that the daughter of that family could have done to piss her family off. Then agian, she could be the perfect child and one of the brothers might of tried to scratch her off.
Luckily the politics of minivan stickers are not the same as real-life politics.
Basically, one of the brothers could scratch their sister off the car but he would think about her every day if she simply vanished from his life. Same thing for the parents. They could kick her out and call her a whore (scratch her off the minivan) but they would never stop loving her. No matter what you know.
So last week I got to thinking.
Theoretically, what if I bought a minivan and all the minivan stickers in the world. Who would I put on my minivan?
Who would I eventually scratch off.
Now that you've pictured that....
Imagine you had this minivan and these stickers your entire fugging life (read An Abundance of Katherines by John Green.... It will make sense).... How many people would be on your minivan? How many pets? How many people would be scratched off?
Old boyfriends.... Ex-Best-Friends (I went hyphen crazy, I appologize)....
Would you leave dead family members on the car?
I would.
They're still there, you know, inside.
Whereas Ex-Boyfriends (most of the time) can go suck it.
So your probably thinking:
Berlyn, who would be on your minivan?
Well, intuitive reader, I will tell you.
My mother, my brother, my half brother, my sisters, my half sister, my grandparents (of which I have three), my cousins (of which I have four), my niece, my nephew, my aunts (of which I have three), my pets (of which I have four... But I would include the dead ones.... So more than that...), Axl, Kim (my twin) and other friends (of which I have many).
Who would be scratched off my minivan?
Boys I liked that never gave me the light of day (fuck you), The girl in fourth grade that hated Pokemon ( I forgot your name for a reason), Audrey from sixth grade (I was there for you and you trash talked me), Mrs. Kushner from first grade (you're a bitch), My dad (Maybe... I don't know. I hope one day I can forgive you), Devon (We were friends for a long time but, I guess I just out grew you), and of course there are others.
But that's just me.
I'm not sorry for scratching people off of my minivan. If we ever met up and consoled our differences, I could stick a new one of them on my car... Besides, I'm sure I've been scratched off plenty of minivans.
Is that a bad thing? Only sometimes... Sometimes we just grow up, move on.
So, today, if you have a moment. Think about your minivan.
Think about the people you have on your minivan, who you've scratched off.... Who you wish was on your minivan (but isn't).
For those of you in college, hopefully you are adding new stickers every day... Just like me.
Now I'm moving onto my next subject.
The Reseda High School Sign.
Every day on my way to school we drive past Reseda High School and their sign, which, for the past three weeks, has not had anything written on the computerized sign.
So the sign reads:
Interslide 1.
Interslide 2.
Interslide 3.
Interslide 4.
Interslide 5.
Snow Setting.
Random Setting.
Etc.
It just makes you wonder how every employee at the school doesn't see that sign and think "Hey... We paid over a thousand bucks for that sign... Shouldn't it say something?"
Something like:
BIG GAME!
Friday at 7pm!
The gym!
Be there or be square!
Go HAWKS!
Or:
Congrats Math Leats
Third consequtive year of winning the title!
Give em a pat on the back!
YESSSSSSS
Anything but:
Interslide 1
Interslide 2
Interslide 3
You know?
I don't know. Maybe the Reseda sign is trying to make a point about America. For Example:
Congrats America for fighting in the Iraq war for a full FIVE YEARS!
A grand total of MILLIONS DEAD!
Oh wait!
There's a new Player in the game!
(Snow Setting) OBAMA!
But nothing's changed sooooooo!
Lets shoot for five more years!
YESSSSS!
Maybe Reseda is trying to say something about me:
Berlyn just started school!
But she hates 50% of her teachers!
And she's not doing shit about it!
Because why?
Because she HAS NO IDEA WHY?!
Maybe the sign is trying to say something about you... Who knows.
That sign is very intellectual for not having a brain.
But the sign would still be wrong. Because where ever there is bad, there is a little bit of good.
The sign can point out America's flaws, but it's forgetting that we are no longer in a massive financial crisis. Hell, the sign can point out my flaws, but it's forgetting that I have new friends that I am currently sticking on my minivan.
Regadless of my point or the sign's point, the sign should have something on it.
Even if it's:
Hello!
Hi!
Hola!
Aloha!
Bonjour!
Da Duit!
(Snow Setting) Ni Hao!
(Random Setting) Konnichiwa!
It would make me smile everyday.
Then the sign would be doing SOMETHING.
Anyways.
I know this post is a little scitzophrenic.
Bear with me.
-Berlyn
P.S. Write about your minivan in a comment :)
P.P.S. OR write about your sign....
P.P.P.S. Or write whatevere you want to....
Here's what I would have the sign say:
ReplyDeleteHey you.
Yeah, you.
It's time.
You know what you have to do.
The safety of mankind is in your hands.
You have 4 hours.
Go.