Saturday, October 23, 2010

Get out your Tupperware 'cuz we be burglin' tonight!

I have a favorite new pastime.

Upon hearing that, you may think, "Hmm, what is it?"

No, that's my hallmate, Rakia.

With my hand-eye coordination?


Ooh, no, not yet. But I want to and hopefully will soon!

Give up? Kay.

Upon reading THAT, you may think, "Wait, burglin'? Like burgling? Like, stealing? Now, wait a second, that doesn't sound like Kim!" In which case you would be right. See, I don't go to stores and burgle. I would never shoplift. Ever. No, I'm talking about burglin' food out of the (all you can eat buffet style reason why freshmen gain fifteen pounds) dining hall.

It all started with warm cookie night. See, there are four meals offered per day during weekdays at Western (and maybe all or most colleges, I don't know): breakfast, lunch, dinner, and late night. Tuesdays and Thursdays are warm cookie night at late night. These cookies are ridiculously good tasting. I eat them and my insides smile. Everyone else seems to agree.

The only problem is, late night is still technically a meal, so it's still very pricey. It's like, what? Seven fifty a person? I just want a cookie!! So anyway, I started noticing that people signed up for unlimited meals would go to warm cookie night and stash some cookies in their purse and bring them back for friends.

Thought... why stop with cookies?

See, since I'm, well, me, the thought ended there.
But luckily enough, there are some masterminds in this hallway.
I looked on a few whiteboards and saw messages that read "burglin' tonight at ten."
I was confused but didn't think much about it... until I got to late night and saw Brēnna break out the Tupperware out of her purse. Taking pizza and cookies.

The practice of burglin has saved me already. I was so focused on studying Tuesday night that I skipped dinner and didn't even stop for late night. So Brēnna burgled some pizza for me. Oh yes yes yes yes yes I love burgled pizza.

So Brēnna thought we should do some organized crime in the form of burglin'. (Though it's really not organized crime. At least not according to my Crime and Justice textbook, which defines organized crime as "an illegal business that provides illegal goods or services to the public." One, we're not a business. Two, it's not illegal. Three, we don't give them to the public, just ourselves and to each other. So HA.) A group of us girls from my hall all went to warm cookie night and kept getting bowl after bowl of cookies to put in Ziploc bags and Tupperware containers. Grand total of FIFTY BURGLED COOKIES.

Now that's what I call a successful burgle trip. I really want one now. I bet they're all out by now though...

See, we have justification for this. We pay a ridiculous amount of money to eat here, and it is a buffet... you know, all you can eat... So why should it be all you can eat in that particular building? Yeah. So... yeah.

Also, there is a sign in the dining hall that says you can leave the dining hall with one piece of fruit. So I've been asking for a piece of fruit every meal (at least the ones I remember) and stashing it in my room. Don't need to buy fruit at the grocery store now! And I feel less bad about it than I do about the cookies... but when I eat those burgled cookies, the guilt goes away. All. I. Feel. Is. My. Heart. Melting.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet (like those delicious warm, melty cookies) so I don't give enough information out to get the cops aware of our burglin' ways ;)

Let me know if you have any ideas!


P.S. KimBerlyn is in no way affiliated with any sort of mob, gang, or otherwise organized crime group. If you or a friend has a serious problem with actual burglary, find help.


  1. Hahahahahahahaha I loved this :)

    I just imagined us sitting together and you telling me about your experience. It's great. Save a cookie or two for me around Christmas time....

    P.S. I'm a gangster.... Soooooo....... I disagree on the gang part.

  2. I burgled some bananas the other day(: