Sunday, January 8, 2012


Everybody's been there.

You're on a road trip and the car breaks down in the middle of no where. Or you take the wrong bus and end up in a place you didn't mean to end up in. Or you're on a cruise ship and you fall over board and end up swimming to some uncharted island. Or, you're on a plane and it crashes and you and a whole mess of people end up an island that has healing powers and keeps an evil force that could destroy the world from escaping...

Like I said, everybody's been there.

And everybody has been asked, at least once in their life, that if the situation arose what would be the one thing you would want with you if you were stranded (my pillow). Or, if you were stranded and could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be (grilled cheese and tomato soup).

But I've, personally, never been asked who I would want with me most if I was stranded somewhere.

Have you ever considered that? If you could choose anybody to be stranded with you who would it be? Would it be your best friend? Your dog? Your mother? My roommate was just discussing the five different people that she would be fine being stuck with and it got me thinking: Who would be the five people I would be okay with being stuck with?

This isn't an easy question. It's loaded. You want your best friend with you for company... But can they build a fire? Can they find a way out? Who knows.

Anyways. I haven't thought much about it but here is my top five and why. Keep in my

5. My Brother
I love the kid but I never get to see him, and we never talk. I feel like if I had to choose someone to be stuck on an island with and all my other choices were busy on a different island, being stuck with him wouldn't be so bad. It would be a way to bond and grow closer through trying to survive. If I had to be stuck on an island and lose all that time, I would at least like to be spending it with someone I love and haven't had a chance to really talk to lately. We would get to leave the island as not just brother and sister but friends. Not to mention, he's much bigger and stronger than I am. If I was stuck on an island with him I have a feeling the chances of surviving would be much higher.

4. My Roommate/Best Friend
Most of the people that are from Washington that read this blog aren't going to know who this person is. But since moving for college I have made a great friend with a girl named Julie. We write our "webseries" together and have done a number of projects together (check out my youtube channel, "Bleelovely"). I wouldn't mind being stuck on an island with her because we make each other laugh. Those of you that do know me personally, I can get very panicked very fast... So it would be nice to have someone who I can laugh with about everything. I imagine us being reunited with our families and having weird inside jokes... "I hate coconut! Not the taste, the consistency" (watch Zombieland people). People would be taking our vitals and asking us how we survived and we would just be laughing and telling them how we have THE BEST idea for a short film.
Not to mention, Julie and I could figure out a problem if we put our heads together. I'm not saying we would be good at escaping an island. But if we were trapped on the freeway in the desert or lost... We would be able to find a way to survive and still laugh about it in the end.
We were joking a moment ago (and she gave me permission to say this) that it would be great fun to be trapped somewhere together unless Julie was on her period. She kind of, sort of, hates me when her Aunt Flo is in town. So I can imagine us on the side of the road with a flat tire and her bringing up all the stupid little disagreements we've had as I try to fix the tire and feel like a terrible person. I can only imagine the island situation... "Julie, will you help me attack this Wild Boar?" "I thought you were the almighty vegetarian! Oh no! I can't eat meat!! And have you forgotten?! I'm jewish!" "You eat pork all the time!" "I hate you!" Yeah. That would be hell.

3. My Twin
Even though I feel like the combination of two paranoid people probably isn't going to have the best results... I love Kim. And I feel like we haven't had enough time to really talk about things and hang out since high school. We used to be so close, we don't talk that often currently because of school and stress... When we come home for breaks we have time to hang out and watch movies and talk. Being stuck on an island would probably drive us mad but we would be able to talk about all the things we haven't gotten a chance to thus far. It's like spy kids four... Our greatest fear has come true... We are losing time.
I feel like if we were trapped anywhere we would find a way out of it. And if we couldn't... We would lose our minds, probably around the same time. We are KimBerlyn. Our names match up almost perfectly so we're bound to have a grand old time together until the end of it.
Love you Kimmy and I miss seeing you every day at fourth period.

2. The Boyfriend
You all knew it was coming. "Berlyn has a boyfriend" he's bound to be on the list. You're right. I'm sorry. I love the bloke and spending time on an island with him... Doesn't sound half bad. Granted we would be starving.
Living in a long distance relationship SUCKS. S-U-C-K-S. So spending any amount of time with Axl sounds nothing short of awesome. I would prefer to spend it going to the movies or watching "Storage Wars" but I'll take stabbing fish with a spear on a deserted island if I had to.
I keep saying the island thing. I don't mean to. Be stranded could mean anything. I feel like the island or getting "lost" would be the less stressful of the bunch. Axl and I have had enough car troubles to last us a life time. We would avoid the most grumpiness towards each other if we got on the wrong bus and stepped off in a town that we had never been to.
Also, not only do I love the guy, he has a history of lifting weights and he loves me. I would be safer with him there then by myself. I'm not saying I need him, I'm just saying I'd be less likely to be eaten by a wild boar.

1. My Mother
I know. I said Julie is my best friend and Kim's my twin... But my mom is a probably an even more apparent representation of that. My mom and I have been through thick and thin together and we always find a way to have fun. I love her and, again, she's a person I don't get to see often enough. If I could be stuck with anyone it would be her. We would be able to laugh the whole way through and when we got home we would just be closer.
Also, she was raised by two of thegreatest people I know... My grandparents. My grandpa know everything there is to know about nature. My Grandma is funny and quick witted. And they are both incredibly intelligent and kind people. So with my mom I get the best of both worlds. All of what she got from her parents... And everything else that is great about her. She's nice, funny, and friendly. Also, she's strong as hell (first bad word guys... It's a record) because she's a massage therapist. And she's a massage therapist.... And she's the most determined person I know... Especially when it comes to the people she loves.
I know with her, we wouldn't be stuck for very long.

Well. That's it. That's the list and why. Unfortunately I can't fit all the people I love on a list of five but if I was stuck with any of my friends I would be happy. I love all of them, anybody who has donated a part of their life to be my friend is someone that I would go to the ends of the earth to make happy.
I think that being stuck somewhere is not always bad. It can turn out good. You can leave a better person... Or with a better relationship. Always shoot for optimism... That's what I think... Today, tomorrow and every day forever... Is going to be a good day :)

Who would you put on your list? Comment?


P.S. Sorry we haven't written in a while. It's our New Years resolution to get back on track... So.......... Look out for new blog posts :)

Sunday, December 18, 2011

"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."

I just Google searched "how to be happy." The first and only page I opened gave "tips," but they were all common sense suggestions that just made me glare at the screen. Stay close to your family? Okay, yeah. Don't let yourself get too stressed? Oh sure, I'll just stop that. After reading it all and feeling just as irritated, I thought to myself, "What was I expecting?" After some pondering, I figured out what it was I was looking for: instant gratification - something to make me happy NOW.

Lately, I've grown tired of effort, tired of patience, tired of waiting. People always say, "It will get better; just give it some time." I'm a strong believer in that, but time seems to last forever when unhappiness takes over. This isn't to say that sadness is all I feel or that happiness isn't possible for me, but it's not rare for me to sit around and brainstorm ways to fix everything. I just never know what the proper solutions are.

I understand now what I never did while growing up. Drugs, random sex, binge drinking, fast driving, reckless behavior. I'm not saying I engage in these things, but I can see the appeal in them. They're giant flashy, blinking, neon signs that yell at you, "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT WHAT YOU CAN BE DOING INSTEAD OF BEING BORED AND MISERABLE." They're temporary fixes that take you away from what you're really feeling; they steal the substance of it all for a few moments so you can just forget it all. They trick you into thinking you honestly just don't give a fuck as long as you feel something, anything, other than the sadness, the emptiness, the constant discontent emotions that seem to encompass your everyday life. How long can these things last, though? How long can you fool yourself into thinking you're just a "free spirit" instead of trying to mask what's really going on inside?

It seems easy enough to pick up the bottle when you're upset. It'll loosen you up a little bit and take you away from the demons inside your head. That doesn't make them go away, though. It doesn't solve anything. Speeding on the road isn't real progression; you might be going far distance wise, but you're not getting any closer to fixing any real problems. All the things I previously mentioned might help in the moment - might even seem worth it at the time, and like flying free is what you really want. And maybe it is. For some people, maybe those things are the key to their happiness. I just don't believe in my gut that that could be true. I think people can drink to have fun, but once the liquid fun and the pretty little pills become a familiar friend that seem to pop up "just to ease the pain" after a rough day, it's a substitute for a real solution. You can't fix a car with scotch tape, you know?

So what is the "real" solution? I honestly have no idea. I feel that it's real, though. Problems of any size can be fixed. Google searching can't be the saving grace, and neither can all the dark temptations. Time might be the answer, but happiness isn't going to arrive gift-wrapped on the doorstep. It has to be worked for. It's possible, and we all have potential to reach it. We might just have to try with everything we have, never letting go of hope. Effort, time, and patience will be worth it, but remember to have fun along the way.


Saturday, September 3, 2011


So... Today should be interesting. My roommate Julie is doing her final project for Teen Films where her and I will be clicking through channels and showing up in random teen films. How do we do this? Green screen of course.

Unfortunatly, neither of us have showered and we're supposed to be in front of a greenscreen in about twenty minutes so I'll make this brief.

The idea is that we get sucked into teen films and kind of have our own experience in them. I think it's a cool idea. The only thing that sucks is the fact that it's all so rushed.

Anyways. We have two piles of movies that Julie and I are going to be placed in. Everything from The Breakfast Club to Scott Pilgrim. Julie and I have never acted before in front of a greenscreen... We haven't rehearsed... And Julie's barely ever worked with green screen... So this should be a pretty interesting project.

Two girls are bored out of their minds and decide to watch TV and acidentally use a magical remote. From there we hop from movie to movie in search of something cool. When we finally return Julie gives a speech about the importance of teen films and then we return to being bored. I know, it's a well-thought-out-concept. But it's mostly for fun and to avoid writing a paper.

I, on the other hand have finished all my homework assignments and only have tests awaiting me. You see, I've been spending this week, almost addictivly finishing my homework ASAP so I can have a chance to breath before I get on that plane on Saturday then 10th. Because, that's right, I'm coming home :) I'm pumped. I almost wish I had a remote to transport me there now. THIS IS WHY EVERY HOME SHOULD BE EQUIPPED WITH A TELEPORTATION DEVICE! Why doesn't anybody listen to me?

My brains a little all over the place at the moment because in a few minutes I need to jump in the shower and get ready super fast to be on screen and that sucks because I want to look good but I have a bad feeling. Then after shooting we're going to go to a movie (don't be afraid of the dark) and then come back here and hopefully finish up writing the first season of flat so that while I'm home I can show everyone the screenplays and get everyone excited... While Julie talks to producers and gets auditions all set up.

... I'm having second thoughts about this twelve episodes thing. I feel like it should be more like twenty-four or something. I don't know. What do you guys think?

Alright. I should stop writing now and get ready to jump in the shower. I feel like Julie's close to finishing.

Love you all, and to my friends in Washington... I should be home very very soon and I am so incrediblt excited to see all of you :)

Saturday, August 20, 2011


I had a really good idea this morning, when I was half asleep in bed, about what I wanted to write this blog about... However, I forgot it and now I have no idea what I'm going to write... Especially because I may or may not be leaving in a few minutes to go to a movie... The real question is not "do I want to see the movie" but "do I want to be even more broke than I am now?"... Maybe.

And there's a person over so I really shouldn't be writing a blog... It's rude... Get with the program guys... What am I talking about?

I guess I might as well use this time to talk about something that I am excited about... You should be excited as well.

I am currently working on a web-series (called "Flat") with my roommate Julie about people living in an apartment based on real life. We have several characters I am super pumped about.
The show takes place in my apartment, of course because we're poor college kids, and the characters are all exaggerated but fun... In my opinion.

The main character is named Tie and he lives with his twin sister, Button, and friend Al but Al bails and Tie is forced to find more roommates. After a few mis-haps, the apartment gets filled with a bunch of people that just need a place to stay.

The reason I like the idea is because I think it's funny and I have a lot of fun writing it... It also gives me and Julie more things to put on our reels and it gives more oppertunities to people in our circle. Hopefully, everyone else thinks it's funny too.

I love all the characters and think they are exaggerated but relatable.

We're on episode three now and we're gearing up to actually do this. Which excites me... Because so many of my ideas float off into space having never be touched.

ANYWAYS! I have to go but I will be updating on this and be writing more film related blogs from here on out.
Hopefully Kimmy comes back soon so it will evenly be balanced out.

Love you all...

Saturday, August 6, 2011

I love you.

I had this dream the other night where it started snowing.

It was summer in california... During the day... Snowing.

I think I miss home far more than I should. I miss the winter. The snow. The cold. I miss using blankets.
When I moved into my new place with all my new roommates I was the only person with blankets and I, no joke, have like eight.

I know Kim's favorite season is the Summer but mine is definitly winter.

Summer is just hot and calls for swim suits and shorts. This is typically when people point out how white I am as if I had no idea. Not to mention wearing a swim suit calls for a lot of self confidence. Sometimes I have that... Other times not.


If you weren't aware of it, I dislike people sometimes... I'm a cynic. And in the summer, when I am not at home... Almost 90% of my friends in California aren't here... So it reminds me how many people I don't like. AND then I feel like a bitch...

So... I miss the winter time.

When all my friends are here and I see them for a while... And then I get on a plane and fly home to my family and my friends that are (pretty much) my family as well.
Then it might snow... And I get to wear lots of sweaters. And shiver. And wipe my runny nose.

I miss it.

I miss the goosebumps on my arms, scarves around my neck, mittens on my hands, and big coats covering me from the cold. I miss all of that. I miss home.

Don't get me wrong. I like being here in California. I like going after my dreams. I love writing (except I don't really write as much as I should or as much as other people). If I wasn't in California would I feel as close to what I want to do as I do now? Probably not. Would I be close to my family and be able to see them whenever I wanted? Yes. Yes I would.

But this is where I need to be. And this is what I want to do.

It's weird that a year ago I had no clue what I wanted to do. I juggled between animation, art, writing. I was so unsure of my future... All I knew was that I did not want to take my chances with a degree in english... That never seems to get anyone anywhere anymore.

So many anys.

I really want to be here. But I get home sick... You know? Everyone does.

... Unless you hate your home...

But I feel like I am missing everything. I wish I could be there to see my sibblings growing up... To hang out with my mom. My friends.

I miss Kim a lot. I used to see her everyday... Now I don't even really talk to her.

Awkward people talking on telephones is awkward.

SO.... Of course we don't really talk on the phone or at all really. And it sucks.

Kim, I love you. I miss you. I hope to see you very, very soon.

I guess I am feeling this way because of A) Home sickness, but also (B) because the vlogbrothers on YouTube just celebrated Esther day... It's based on this really cool girl that died of cancer at a very young age and asked the two brothers to say they love eachother once a year on her birthday. It's a nice thought. And very little these days do we express our love for other people. We're too busy... To cynical.

So... Readers, friends, family, winter.

I love you all. No matter who you are... I love you. And I hope to see you soon.


Saturday, July 9, 2011

How to survive MORTAL PERIL!

Well, I just finished the Harry Potter books this week, and I have been watching the movies in preparation for the big day... And with the big day being this upcoming Thursday, I see it fit that this blog is just a little themed with how to survive when everything goes to shit.

So this is How To Survive Mortal Peril 101

1. Get at least One or Two Really Great Friends that will never EVER leave your side. Ever.

The friends that will slap you across and scream "fuck no!" when you tell them that you have to go it alone. The friends that will declare your enemies theres and risk their lives to make sure you and the rest of civialization may survive.

These friends are more than "besties" they're like family.

Courageous and equiped with thier own special skills that help the team as a whole. Saving the world, or simply surviving the apacolypse would be impossible without them.

2. A Special Skill Set

What do I mean by a special skillset?

I mean, you're capable of doing something that other people aren't.

Whether that is weilding a sword and whip like mister Indiana Jones here or damaged nerve ends like Kick Ass or just the incredible ability to annoy the fuck out of anyone that comes your way. It's just something that you can do that others can't.

These abilities typically don't come out until the moment arises. When the floor splits in two and a hand of lava flies up to pull you into it's midst. Suddenly water can shoot out of your hands or you were more courageous than you could have ever imagined.

These abilities will help you out of a tight space, all of the type spaces.

And sometimes these skills can be as simple as a severe disregard for safe, measured planning. So, techinically these skills could be anything... Most of the time they tend to be a large amount of guts.

3. Weapons

Now, I'm not talking guns... Unless you're James Bond... I'm talking weapons of mass importance. Weapons that mean something.

Wands, swords, records (see sean of the dead), hammers, etc.

Something that was very hard to find and is the only thing that will help you at your time of need. Something irriplaceable. If only something that is found in the nick-of-time.

Every story has at least one of these. The thing that will help lead to the resolution. The thing will slice off your attacker's HEAD! Shazam.

4. Romance

Okay, so you don't NEED this... But it's always nice. It's one thing that will always keep your spirits up in the face of disaster. It's encouraging. It's the warm blanket in the stormy weather.

So even though it's not a vital object to the list it is still important. It is still something to keep in mind when the end is near. Shouldn't we all open at the close?

Stupid reference. I apologize.

5. A goal

This is the thing that, above all, will remind you why you fight... Why you continue on in the face of death. Why you keep going when you want to stop.

Freedom for your people. You're family's safety. The human race. Happiness. Love. Etc. Etc.

This is the thing that you dream about. The thing that you so desperatly want that you would die for it. And that is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in survival of Mortal Peril.... Something to fight for.

Well people, I have been working on this blog for hours and I think it is time to call it quits and actually start my day. I only hope that this list has helped you realize just how informative movies actually are and also prepared your for a future that could happen... You never know.

Good Luck.


Friday, June 24, 2011

Panic attack at 7am...

Hello everyone!

I can't talk long today because I am moving out and... Unfortunatley.... I do not have internet at my new place until Monday... So... I'm doing this right before I head off to work. But... I'm very, very stressed out and wanted to give a few tips and pointers before I run off on not being stressed... Maybe that way the aching in my stomach will go away.

1. Take deep breaths.

I know, I know... Everyone says this... And most of us rarely do it. Most of the time when someone else tells me to do this I want to smack them over the head and hold my breath until I pass out... Just to show them... I guess... But I mean... When you think about it... They're on to something. Oxygen is what keeps your heart moving... Deep breaths are much more relaxing and successful than the small little ones we have when we are having a panic attack because the lady with the couch may not give us the couch and... Well... We already rented the truck to pick it up....
... Deep Breaths....

2. Drink water.

I don't have much to say on this... Again... Something I don't do alot... I like to blissfully ignore the fact that my body is 90% water. But... Whenever I get a massage from me madre she always says to drink water because when you are getting a massage and knots are released, toxins (I know... I can't spell) and you need to flush them out.
So just think of it as washing all the toxins out... At least for a little while.
Eat an apple as well... They're just good for you okay? Do it.

3. Think about the things you are excited about.

This is the one I actually do ALL the time.
I think to myself: I can't let today get to me... They still haven't made a flash superhero movie and I have to be alive for that.
Or: I can't kill my boss today... I still need money to go Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2.
Yes people. Maybe it's not as healthy as the other two ideas and it's more a bribe to your brain.... But it gets the job done.
Today I will probably keep repeating: See Kim, Harry Potter and September.

4. Believe in yourself.

I don't mean stick stickey notes telling yourself that your are brave and strong and pretty... Like those skinny girls in movies that think they are bad off... I'm talking for one moment, let all your insecurities melt away. You're better than them.
I believe in you.

Okay... I still have to take a shower and then head off the work and work from 9-5 at school and then put my room together until I pass out... All the while trying to find a replacement couch. Talk to you all in two saturdays.