Saturday, September 25, 2010

Hi, I'm Kim, and I'm... awkward.

Snobby. Shy. Skater. Serial murderer.
Reserved. Religious. Rebellious.
Poser. Prep.

No, I'm not talking about labels or stereotypes. I'm speaking of first impressions.

College is full of them, and BOY do I need to work on mine. I'm so ridiculously awkward around new people that I get flustered and inevitably end up saying something completely weird, irrelevant, or accidentally rude. Sometimes all you get is a first impression, too. Your first and last impression on someone can be the same encounter (especially if your first impression sucked so they run and hide every time they see you coming...) so it can be rather important to get it right.

We had Open Door Night in Alpha, the dorm I live in, so there were a lot of meet&greets. There was a lot of "I like your room," "What's your name," "Where are you from?" small talk. Naturally, that's about as far as I can get before I make things uncomfortable. Upon walking into a guys' room (I can't even remember their names... maybe I've tried to block this out of my memory) I introduced myself and then said "Pretty plain room."

Pretty plain room? Maybe they had spent hours setting it up! Maybe they want to be interior decorators and I just crushed their dreams. Why did I HAVE to comment? Then I laughed uncomfortably and added "I mean, it's like... plain. I mean, it's nice! Just, you know, kinda bare. Like, there's not much stuff in here. It's simple. Not that you're simple or anything, it's just... hahahahhhahahaha bye!"

Oh. My. Gosh.
I felt like their judging stares could have broken my skull in twelve pieces. And I'll probably never speak to them again. I'll just be that really, really awkward girl who WOULDN'T SHUT UP. Maybe they already forgot, but that was what I left with them. Maybe if it had gone better, I would end up married to them years and years down the line (one of them, not both of them. I'm no polygamist. Or harlot.) but now I will NEVER KNOW.

Okay, so that last part was a little melodramatic, but still, I hope you see my point. First impressions can matter. Job interviews, for example. I've never gone through that, but I'm already kind of dreading the experience. My twin brother even commented once on how I change my voice when I talk to certain people, especially if they're professionals. I make myself sound younger, apparently. I have no idea why. I don't even notice it, but it needs to stop.

Anyway, back to things that I do notice.

I don't think Tasha and I would have become friends if it weren't for our third grade teacher, Mrs. Schroll. Tasha was a new student to Lake Tapps Elementary on the first day, and I was assigned to show her around. Neither of us were pleased. I looked over at Tasha and spotted her fake tie-dye nametag that she had colored on and she glanced at my plaid dress with fake leather straps, and... first impression? WEIRDO. I know that's also judging, but sometimes they go hand-in-hand with first impressions. Anyway, we ended up being friends. Best friends, actually. In fact, she is my longest lasting friend. But that may not have been the case if our teacher hadn't made us put our impressions aside and just genuinely talked.

Like I mentioned earlier, first impressions are a big part of college. There's this girl a couple doors down from me in my hall who I kept smiling at in the halls, and every time she looked at me, I thought she was glaring at me. I could not for the life of me figure it out. But now that I've been actually getting to know her, I realize that Michelle is one of the absolute friendliest people I've ever met and she's already becoming a good friend. Once again, though, we ARE in the same hall so there is time allowed for us to actually get to know each other. If we had just been passing each other by on the street, I would have just thought she had been glaring at me. Also, for all I know, maybe my smiles look like grimaces. I have no idea!

There's also this guy on my floor who I first thought was just a little too over-charismatic and loud. But the second time I talked to him, he was pretty chill. Maybe he had been nervous the first time and was trying to over-compensate. I know I do that a lot. Now I actually do want to have another conversation with him, because the second impression was much better than the first.

I guess I'm more of a second impression kind of girl. I think I leave a better second (or third, maybe seventh) impression on people than the first. So I'm going to definitely make sure I give other people the chance to leave a second impression on me as well. Especially here, where a lot of people don't seem exciting at first because it's just small talk for the most part. So try to give people a second chance to leave a better impression if you see them again (as long as they didn't completely freak you out initially). Maybe you'll be surprised at how different (and maybe better) they seem the next time.

Have any good stories about first impressions? Comment them :)


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Kimberlyn's first video blog.... Love it? Love us? Love me......

Yep. Kimberlyn's first Vlog :)

I hope you all enjoyed watching me talk to my computer. I would have shown you EVERYTHING in my apartment but it was hard with a laptop instead of a camera. You know? And the length of the video was super long so I had to cut it down and that was hard cause I am no where near pro at this.

Love you all and I hope you all have a safe and nice transition into your new homes (if you are moving).


Saturday, September 11, 2010

Do what I say. Now. Everything I say... Nowww!

He's hungry. I think I'll make him serve cereal. Come on, Dude, clean up your bowl. Come on. There you go. Put away the leftovers. Now go pee, your bladder is getting pretty low. Mmm... now go study mechanics. HEY! I said... GO STUDY MECHANICS! I don't care if you're not having fun, you need to be prepared in case the dishwasher breaks again!! Ugh, fine, watch TV for ten minutes, then study mechanics. Stupid.

Mmm... the power you have over a sim's character... You create somebody (or try to recreate somebody you know) and you get to tell them what to do!! And they usually do it! Sweeeeeeetness.

Imagine if real life was like your giant Sims game. Ctrl + Shift + C motherlode. You're rich! Control Sims' (people's) actions, and try again if you don't like the reaction...

In middle school, my friends and I would create a Sim family every time we had a new big crush on someone. If I liked Joe, I'd make a Sim family where we were married. Or, more often, I'd put me and my "love" together in a house as roomies and work super hard to make them fall for each other. And if there was a negative reaction to a flirt or kiss, then I would quit without saving. It was like it never happened.

Oh, how I wish real life could be like that sometimes. Where if something went wrong with a friendship or relationship of some sort, I could just quit without saving and all would be forgotten once I started again. I'd have another chance. Or two. Or five.

Haha, one thing with the Sims that I feel guilty about loving is the House of Terror. In ninth grade, Jaden and I decided to create a sim household of the people we disliked the most. I had two people in there and Jaden had three or four. We made them ugly and built a house with no doors and a tree in the middle. No bathroom, either. They peed themselves on the floor and slept in their own piss and were starving. It was sick. I remember feeling bad, and when Jaden left the room to get both of us a Pepsi, I did Ctrl + Shift + C "move_objects on" and moved one of the people I made to outside of the house and put a toilet, shower and fridge out there for them. When Jaden came back, she reminded me that those weren't real people and nobody was actually getting hurt - It was just a way to vent.

So we put a barbecue next to the tree, told one of them to grill hotdogs, and watched as the "house" burnt down. Remember, there were no doors. Tombstones appeared where the people had been.

See, if life was a giant Sims game, we would never have done that. But someone would.

Controlling people with a few clicks would not be a good idea. The sad thing is that some people CAN be as easily controlled as a Sims character set as low free will. But instead of an outside player telling them what to do, it's their boyfriend or girlfriend. Or parent. Or "friend." Or... something. They're told to do something, so they do it. They're told NOT to do something, so they don't. Even if it's ridiculous and should be THEIR decision.

He tells her not to wear that shirt. He doesn't want other guys looking at you. So you don't, to avoid a fight and to make him happy.

She tells you not to talk to other girls. Talking leads to flirting, which leads to cheating, she says. So you don't, because you're scared of her leaving you.

Bad situations to get caught in... There's no quitting without saving with those. But there still IS the option to quit. It's just harder than pressing a button.

Maybe all the easy options are why I enjoy the Sims so much. I like the simplicity of it all, of having an easy life. Of being able to take things back and how easy it is to make people make good decisions. I like that all my sim on Sims 3 has to do to be in a good mood is freak out or double check the stove.


(sorry this ends kind of abruptly... ish... I like it, okay?! DEAL. NOW.)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Thank you for putting up with me....

Yesterday was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life.

It was so filled with stress. Upset. And pure, uncensored anger.

You can all try to guess what happened to make me feel this way. But I'm not going to explain to you what happened to cause the complete failure of this day (yes, I am exaggerating.) (exaggerating? exagerating? exagirating? ... I promised myself I wouldn't swear in this blog post so... Ah Firetruck it.....), I'm going to tell you what happened after everything went wrong.

I was laying on my temprepedic mattress cover, which was laying on the floor of the apartment surrounded by the supplies to make a bed frame, crying when my mother called.

Of course, seeing her name on the phone only pushed me into a greater fit of tears.

It was like she knew....

Before I had collapsed on the floor I had been crying on the floor as I desperatly tried to scrape paint off my laptop bag. And after that I tried pushed aside all my feeling
s and angrily started painting the wall. Arms throbbing, eyes swollen, and mind swirling... Axl took over painting and told me to lay down.

This is when she called.

I hadn't sent her a text. Or posted anything on facebook. She was probably calling because of something craigslist related.... It doesn't matter though. Because in the moment.... It felt like her Berlyn-senses were tingling and she had quickly reached over and picked up her phone (which normally (please get this reference) only rings when the mayor is in dyer need of her help) and called me.

I broke down.

But the thing I wanted to share with everyone was how my mom handled the situation.

Like any normal human being, at the sound of my sobbing, the first question she asked was:

"what's wrong?"

I don't know about all of you, but this question always makes me cry even more. So I started crying even more and whimpered: "Various things."

Now, this is where my mom is seperated from every other human being in the world. Unlike all of my friends (whom I love and DO help when I have these mental break downs) and any other human being (who do their best to help when they are the only one's who can help, even if they are a stranger) my mother allowed me to feel like it was okay to have a temper tantrum/ toddler break down.
She repeated my statement, "various things are wrong?"
"What happened."
I explained. I believe I started off with the word: "EVERYTHING"
... Which was a commonly used word when I had a bad day at school in the fourth grade.

I was crying a lot. I started off crying about the paint situation. She couldn't understand me so she had me had the phone to Axl who told her the situation on the paint and the wall and how much of the wall was left.
Then he handed the phone to me. I broke down again.
I took in a deep breath and then whispered, "Hello."

Really melodramatic.
I know.

To this, my mother laughed and said: "I love you."

We went on to talk about the paint that had not ended up on the wall. I mentioned my laptop bag through boughts of tears. To this she said:

"Paint got on your lap top bag?"


"The one with the cute kitties on it?"


"Oh no. That sucks."

"Nothing got on the kitties though."

"Well that's good... There are sites on the internet that give suggestions on how to get paint out. Why don't we try some of those?"

So she looked up all of these different suggestions and told me what to do, she even looked up a store that was in walking distance of the apartment so that I could fix everything.
She asked me if I wanted to come home.
And I said.
"No. I can't solve any of my problems there. They're all here."
And though I know she would like me to be home with her, I knew she was happy to hear me say that. That I didn't want to run from my problems. From that one bad day.

She didn't need to say anything for me to know she was proud of me.

After that, the day got significantly better. It wouldn't have ended as nicely as it did without my mom.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that without my mom, I would not be able to pick myself up whenever I fell down.
Sure, I cried and threw a fit and gave up and needed help. But afterward the help, I got up and made everything better.

My mom is the most significant factor in my life. But the rest of my family plays similar roles in making me a stronger person.
Think about it.
Without your mother, or father, or sisters, or brothers, would you be who you are today?
Probably not.
If you were raised by wolves you would be able to hunt prey, survive winter, and run on all fours. But if you were brought into civilization you would not be able to function socially because you were never taught how to get over boys (or girls), to do homework you didn't understand, to fix the holes in your favorite clothing. You would break down, and instead of getting back up... You would keep falling.

Read Brave New World.... It'll make sense.

I have friends who can't say "No" to peer pressure. I don't know why they cannot. Do they not look at their little siblings and think : one day they will want to be just like me... Do I want them to fall to the same addictions most teenagers do because I failed to simply say "no".
I have two little sisters.
I have done everything in my power to set a good example for them.
They are nine and seven.
They both love everything about me.
They like my music, they like my clothes, they like my hair, they like my youtube channels, and they like the television and I watch.
They like me. They would love to be anything similar to me one day.
And that is what I worked so hard to do.

I'm a good kid (in my opinion) and I hope they grow up to be good kids too.

So without my sisters I would not have much of a reason to be "good" or have a drive.

Even my brother leaves an impact on who I am.
When I was younger I did everything I could to protect him.
What do I mean?
I took on the neighborhood bully several times because he was a jerk to my brother.
I was much smaller than the neighborhood bully.

Now I speak my mind. No matter what.
Like on this blog.
Or in general.
I stand up for myself and the people I love. Because I used to do that for him all the time.

All my other family members. My cousins. Grandparents. Aunts. And Uncles. Have left marks too.
Making me who I am today.

Sure, friends help too.
But I wanted to bring attention to the people who put up with me twenty-four-seven.
The people who allow me to throw a tantrum. The people who colsole me the same way I console people (because I learned it from them).
My family is one of the most important parts of me.
And I love them.

So cry, throw a tantrum and let your mother, father, sisters, or brothers console you. You don't have to be strong anymore, let it go just once. Drink in the absolute, undying love for as long as you can. Because you only have so much time.

Thanks guys....
To my sisters and brother: I love you all more than you will ever really understand.
To my mom: Thank you for being my best friend and a great mother.

Oh god, I'm almost in tears.


P.S. Kim, I think that we should have the ability once a year to take a personal day. Instead of writing the blog one saturday we should do something family related.
Just one.
So it means more than it usually would.
For example:
The blog will not be posted this week because Berlyn has decided to have a heartfelt conversation on the phone with her mother.
The blog will not be posted this week because Kim is hanging out with Ryan.

You know?

Because maybe then we can encourage others to take the the time they would normally spend on our site to call up their mum or dad.
I think it's a good idea.....

P.P.S. I was thinking about doing a video for the blog my next saturday, what do you all think?

P.P.P.S. Sorry it's long again.