Friday, June 11, 2010

You Need to LOVE ME.

I'm a very strange person.

I know... You're all shocked.

You're all thinking: "Strange? Berlyn? I would have never thought..."

Yes, yes. It is shocking.
For those of you who are saying this without being sarcastic, I only have one thing to say... The reason you never would have guessed I was strange is because I keep it to myself in every situation except situations of extreme danger.

(For those of you saying this sarcastically... You've probably known me since, or before, middle school when sugar, alone, woke me up... Now it takes five shots of expresso and a rockstar...)

How am I strange you ask?

Well for starters... Since I started high school my list of phobias has nearly quadrupled (quadruppled? quadroopled? quad... Ah fuck it.). Which, with most people this would be worrisome... But these phobias are just an embarassment.

I have, my entire life, had these phobias:

*Arachnophobia (Fear of spiders)
*Kakorrhaphiophobia (Fear of Failure)
*Autophobia (A fear of solitude. Or abandoment. Mostly, for me it means abandonment but since the fifth grade (when I watched an episode of justice league where The Flash, my favorite character, got frozen in time and nearly lost his mind...) I have been afraid of both.)
*Agoraphopia/claustrophobia (I have this intense fear of closets... I feel like things will come out of them and drag me into their midst. Luckily... There is one RIGHT BESIDE MY BED...)
*Alchluophobia (or Nyctophobia) (Fear of the Dark.)
*Dentophobia (Fear of the Dentist)- I don't like other people's hands in my mouth. OR the taste that is left in your mouth afterwards.

Since beginning highschool these phobias have been added to the list:

*Algophobia (Fear of Pain)- Not too strange right? I just flinch every time someone raises a hand for no reason... Seriously no reason. Oh! Maybe it was the emotional beating that came with high school... Like the fruit cake that always comes with Christmas.
*Apeirophobia (Fear of infinity)- This one really is understandable. The thought that we cannot measure the universe is daunting. But astronomy has done this to me:
*Cleithrophobia (Fear of space)- I had a panic attack three days ago because we watched a video that took you from a picnic all the way out to space where Earth can't even be seen any more... I kept thinking... What if we never find Earth again? Holy shit... Holy shit... What then? WHAT THEN?!... Which leads to:
*Dementophobia (Fear of becoming insane)
... Moving on....
*Aphenphosmphobia (Fear of being touched)- Which isn't too intense.
* Fear of Yellow Lights- You know... The push-over sibling of red and green... Red says STOP and green says GO, but Yellow says: "Hey, could you slow down? I might turn red... You really hould consider... No? Okay...". This fear is because of the car acciendent.
*Asthenophobia (Fear of fainting)- Cause I fainted after giving blood.
(Now before you all go wondering if my next fear is going to be needles... YOU'RE WRONG. I was stupid and decided I didn't need breakfast the morning of giving blood. Because you do not need food if you are losing two pints of something that RUNS YOUR BODY.Whatever... I saved three lives I'm fine, I passed out but at least I'm not going to hell.)
*Asymmetriphobia (Fear of Asymmetrical Objects)- Mostly has to do with faces... I'm sorry but if one of your eyes is two times the size of the other I will probably not talk to you... Which leads to:
*Fear of imperfection (OCD)
*Fear of blow jobs- I honestly think it is ridiculous that they have a phobia name for kidney diesease (Albumineruophobia) but not for the fear of blow jobs... They are terrifying and incredibly awkward...
*And last. A Fear of the Future- Kim summed this up quite well: "I've always had it set in my mind, finish high school to get to college... Now what?"

Seriously? Now what? That's been my goal too and now... I've reached the end of that goal. I need to make a new one but I have no idea what to make as my goal next...

"Finish college and become awesome..."

... Sure. Only one problem. What happens after becoming awesome? Death? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

* Fear of reaching full potential...

I guess I should move on.
My new phobias are not the only explination for my strangeness.
Luckily, Kim shares this next trait with me.

The need to have people love us.

Yes. I have this thing where if someone likes me and expresses this fondness... I instantly think: "They like me... THEY MUST LOVE ME!"
Maybe I'm insane, you could call me that. But any cousellor would stand up and slap you across the face while screaming: "Give her a break! She comes from a broken family!"

That's a good arguement... But I honestly don't think that is the real reason. I think I just want a general group of people I can cuddle with whenever I please.
That sounds selfish... But at least I am not locking them in a small cage in the basement like I did with my boyfriend Hahahahahahaaha. Just kidding.. Not really.

This desire has gotten me in trouble a few times. Like for instance: I love Kim. If I could fall on my head and be conviced I was a lesbian I would marry Kim. She is like my twin. And I would never have to give a blow job. But....
There would always be:

Fear of Oral Sex (Or as my mum would say "Going down on a girl")

Whatever. I would marry Kim now... Even though I'm straight... And have a boyfriend. But he's in the basement in a cage so...
He. Won't. Mind.
Haha. I'll stop with the boyfriend-locked-in-a-cage-in-the-basement "jokes".

People. I am strange because the people I hang out with the most, allow me to be this way. This isn't a bad thing. I mean, these are the very people that encourage my writing, talk about movies with me, and laugh when I say completly random things.
Like calling BBQ sauce blood.
Or marks on the floor vampire bites.
Or that Ts are going extinict and one day it will only be extinic-
Or other things.
Even the people that read most of my shit in the school newspaper are encouraging my strangeness.

When I say, "My favorite president is Nixon."
People ask, "Tell me more..."

When I say, "I want a braclett that says 'What would Hitler do?'"
People say, "I would probably get one of those too."

When I where a dress with a zipper over the boobs...
People ask, "Is that a real zipper?"
And I respond, "I'm not sure, why don't you give it a go?"

Well people. That is all for me.
I may just go snuggle with someone who loves me and try to ignore my most recent fear:

Boringblogscophobia- (Fear that no one is listening to this).




  1. I came for the hug promised on facebook, but I stayed for the post. Although I have nothing intellectual to add at the moment, I quite enjoyed this. Keep it up, yo.

    Tony Johnson

  2. Haha :) Thanks Tony :) Next time I see you I will give you a hug :)

  3. You make my life better (and much more interesting).
    Too bad you're not a lesbian :(

  4. hoho.. goals for after college? do whatchu want. make money and spend it on useless shit! have fun. :)

    ps: oral sex FTW.

    pps: michelle loves closets! i keep her in mine most of the time... we have something in common there..


  5. V E R Y I N T E R E S T I N G !!

    Good Job!!