Saturday, August 6, 2011

I love you.

I had this dream the other night where it started snowing.

It was summer in california... During the day... Snowing.

I think I miss home far more than I should. I miss the winter. The snow. The cold. I miss using blankets.
When I moved into my new place with all my new roommates I was the only person with blankets and I, no joke, have like eight.

I know Kim's favorite season is the Summer but mine is definitly winter.

Summer is just hot and calls for swim suits and shorts. This is typically when people point out how white I am as if I had no idea. Not to mention wearing a swim suit calls for a lot of self confidence. Sometimes I have that... Other times not.


If you weren't aware of it, I dislike people sometimes... I'm a cynic. And in the summer, when I am not at home... Almost 90% of my friends in California aren't here... So it reminds me how many people I don't like. AND then I feel like a bitch...

So... I miss the winter time.

When all my friends are here and I see them for a while... And then I get on a plane and fly home to my family and my friends that are (pretty much) my family as well.
Then it might snow... And I get to wear lots of sweaters. And shiver. And wipe my runny nose.

I miss it.

I miss the goosebumps on my arms, scarves around my neck, mittens on my hands, and big coats covering me from the cold. I miss all of that. I miss home.

Don't get me wrong. I like being here in California. I like going after my dreams. I love writing (except I don't really write as much as I should or as much as other people). If I wasn't in California would I feel as close to what I want to do as I do now? Probably not. Would I be close to my family and be able to see them whenever I wanted? Yes. Yes I would.

But this is where I need to be. And this is what I want to do.

It's weird that a year ago I had no clue what I wanted to do. I juggled between animation, art, writing. I was so unsure of my future... All I knew was that I did not want to take my chances with a degree in english... That never seems to get anyone anywhere anymore.

So many anys.

I really want to be here. But I get home sick... You know? Everyone does.

... Unless you hate your home...

But I feel like I am missing everything. I wish I could be there to see my sibblings growing up... To hang out with my mom. My friends.

I miss Kim a lot. I used to see her everyday... Now I don't even really talk to her.

Awkward people talking on telephones is awkward.

SO.... Of course we don't really talk on the phone or at all really. And it sucks.

Kim, I love you. I miss you. I hope to see you very, very soon.

I guess I am feeling this way because of A) Home sickness, but also (B) because the vlogbrothers on YouTube just celebrated Esther day... It's based on this really cool girl that died of cancer at a very young age and asked the two brothers to say they love eachother once a year on her birthday. It's a nice thought. And very little these days do we express our love for other people. We're too busy... To cynical.

So... Readers, friends, family, winter.

I love you all. No matter who you are... I love you. And I hope to see you soon.


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