Saturday, November 13, 2010

Seriously guys!

I want to confess something to you all.

I've kept this a secret for a very long time and I want to come clean about it.

I'm black.

Now, I know you are all thinking:

"Berlyn, even though you may think you are black inside you are genetically white."

Well you're wrong. I was born black. Just like Michael Jackson.
Think about it.
Why do you all think I moved to Auburn in the seventh grade? Do you think it's because we needed a bigger house? Because you would be wrong. It's because my skin turned turned white and I got made fun of, so we moved.

Now you're all probably thinking:

"Fine, prove it. What disease did you have?"

Well, friends, I have a disease called Vitiligo where your skin becomes lighter in patches on your body. Look it up, it exists.

Go here: (

Vitilgo affects many different parts of the body.
The hands, face, back, chest, stomach, feet and more. There are different levels of Vitiligo, I have Universal Vitiligo. This means that large portions of my body suffer from depigmantation.

Anyways. To cover the blotches, so I look normal, I wear a lot of make up, so my skin looks even lighter.

Now, some of you are probably thinking:

"I've met your mother. She's white. You're Biological brother is white. Your sisters are white. Your dad is white!"

This is the second part of my secret:

I'm adopted.
My biological mother and father are black, my biological grandmother suffered from the same disease as me. It skipped my parent's generation.

You see. I'm black, I just have white skin.


Okay did I convince any of you? Come on be truthful. Tell me in the comments if I convinced you that I was black for even a milisecond.

So I have decided to focus this blog on tricking people into thinking you are a different ethnicity than you actually are.
For those of you that were not convinced by my story... You have to find the right people or you have to be the most convincing person in the world.

This has worked for me before.

I did some inception on my newspaper friend Shayla like a ninja.

One week I mentioned to her that I was actually black and not white and that my mother was black and she could see for herself.
I laughed and thought she realized my joke.
However, a few weeks later she turns to me and asks:

"Hey are you really black?"

I laughed so hard. It was perfect. So it does work.

So I've split this blog into two parts. I don't mean to make this racist (See, I can't be racist, I can't even spell it) or anything it's just a different process for different skin colors.

So. To be as politically incorrect as possible:



There are two diseases (that I have found) that will work for this type of lie.

First is Vitiligo
Vitilgo (like I described above) is a genetic disorder that affects the pigment of the skin. It, often times, makes skin lighter.
It's more rare to see it effect the body in large portions, for the most part it affects the body in small sections like these hands.
Moving on, there is no cure for this disease but it does make you very sensitive to light.
They have some proceedures that may help but I'm not here to talk about success stories.
One notable person with this affliction is Michael Jackson (but I'm pretty sure he bleached his skin).

SO. To convince people you have Vitiligo you need the facts.

Do they know your parents? If they do make it seem like you have something very important to tell them and start with adoption. And then go into the fact that your parents are black. At first they won't believe you but you should start explaining that you have Universal Vitiligo meaning that most of your skin has changed pigments, though there are a few places with black blotches. When they ask to see just explain to them that the blotches are on your ass, breasts, or junk and you don't feel comfortable showing them.
Then throw facts at them. Seriously, go on Wikipedia, get some facts and attack.

Second is Albinism

Albinism is one of those disease that your are born with for no apparent reason. This disease makes the skin, eyes, and hair pigment lighter.
It makes the skin more sensitive to sunlight than normal skin.
There are different types of Albinism; one that affects hair, eyes, and skin and one that only effects the eyes.
It's mostly sex-linked so it mostly effects men, but there are cases of it effecting girls.
Albinism comes from genetics or mutations in DNA.
People of any race can be effected. Approximatly 1 in every 20,000 people have ablinism.
Animals are effected by Albinism as well.

Now, to convince people that you are albino is far more difficult than telling them your skin started changing color.
So. Now you don't have to convince people that you are adopted. Now you just have to convince them you were born this way.
You could lie about your hair and say that you died it or something.
The eyes are harder. You could attempt telling people you are special and were born with dark eyes but it's unlikly... So sell it.

SO.... Next Section:


This is way harder.

First of all. Did you know that pregnancy can make your skin darker? I didn't... I thought it was interesting. Though probably something you don't want to use as an explaination.

Ex: "I'm actually white."
"You're white?"
"Yeah. My pregnancy just made my skin darker."
"Wait... You're pregnant?!"


First, the more unlikly, is Cyanosis.

Now, I say this is unlikly because it only changes skin color because the color of the blood.
So. This will probably work for those of you who are not that dark skinned but still darker than me.
This is common in heart problems. The blood either doesn't have enough activity or is not the color blue but a purple color instead.
(Blood is blue until it hits air people...)
SO in reality it makes you appear more blue or purple than dark.

So to convince people that you have this you would need to look up more information on heart conditions.
Or lie.
I would take the ide
a of the disease and say: I was born with a heart condition that makes my blood darker so it makes my skin appear darker, but my whole family is white. Weird huh?
I think it would work. Try it.

The second is: Hyperpigmentation

This is mostly cause from sun damage.
Which is why it is so lame.
I'm sure you can convince people that it was a birth defect.
It effects the face mostly but it also effects different parts of the body like the back, chest, hands, and more.
This is caused when the pigment Melanin begins to produce more color than needed because of a signal in the body telling it to do so (like the sun setting off a signal in your body that makes skin gradually darker).
Vitamin D also sets off the Melanin as well.

Anyways. To convince people you are white but your skin turned darker. You'll have to have a background story. So you start with something along the lines of: I started in point A but move to point B when my skin began to change darker. When people ask why talk about the DNA defect that was triggered by hanging out in the sun for too long.
Too much vitamin D you know?

Now back to being politically correct:


Anyways I just thought you all would enjoy to learn how to fool your friends into thinking that you are something you are not. I may just try it on all my new college buddies next time I go hang out with them all.
You should all try it and tell me your stories, the reactions you get. Comment?

Happy trickeries :)

- Berlyn

P.S. I was going to write more but I decided that I would only write about one thing that was on my mind this week.
I was going to go off into a rant about random things I remember. Like I remember scraching my step dad's car with the fake rose and blaming it on my brother (he got in so much trouble) when I was like seven... I also remember that when Daniel Radcliff got the news about being cast as harry potter he was in the bathtub.... I have no idea why I remember this stuff.
P.P.S. I love you all.


  1. Hahah I remember Shayla believed you were black for soooo long. Hah I love you!

  2. Haha :) I love you too Kim :) That was so funny that Shayla actually believed me. I think she had even met my mom and STILL thought I was black.